I Am Right About That Thing You Are Unsure Of

Tonight I got in a friendly argument. No harm done. But what bothers me is that I backed off, when I really shouldn’t have.

Here’s the thing: I know what clothes you need to buy, I know what cologne you need to wear, I know what car you need to drive, what computer you need to use, what toilet paper you need to wipe your ass with, what mouthwash you need to gargle with, what oil you need to saute with, what team you need to support, what beer you need to drink, what cigar you need to smoke. I know where you need to live, and I know how you need to get there. I know what ring you need to buy, and who you need to propose to. I know how many kids you need to have, and what you need to name them. I know everything.

I know what stocks you need in your portfolio, what supermarket you need to shop at, what pharmacy you need to frequent. I know who should be insuring your vehicles, home, and health. I know these things.

I know when you need to say what you need to say, and how you need to say it.

I am the sultan of spin. I have no reputation to ruin, I don’t have an image problem because I don’t have an image. I have a presence. And it is undeniable.

I am the man.